Dear Annie: Communicate your expectations when giving a gift

Dear Annie: I am the person who wrote to you a few years ago about sending a box of thank-you notes and Forever Stamps as gifts to nonresponders. It was not very successful. This year, I rethought the problem and decided to be straightforward, at least with my own five grandchildren, who range in age from 11 to 25.

I decided that if I didn’t tell them, I shouldn’t expect them to read my mind. I told them straight out what my expectations would be going forward. “If I give you a gift in person,” I said, “you open it in front of me, and you thank me, and that is sufficient. If I send you a gift in the mail, I expect a timely communication saying that it has arrived and was appreciated.”

I explained that I don’t text, so I would need a phone call or email to inform me that the gift had actually arrived and was not lifted by a porch pirate. I told them that, henceforth, I would be maintaining two lists: a “gift” list, and a “cards only” list. If they don’t contact me in a timely fashion, they will be bumped to the “cards only” list.

One hasn’t been here to get his gift yet; one opened his gift in my presence; one called me from out of state, and we had a nice chat; and one opened his gift in my presence but called me anyway, saying, “Granny, I just wanted to be sure I stay on the ‘gift’ list.”

I haven’t heard from the last, the 11-year-old, so I will stick to my word when his birthday comes later in January. At some point, I might give him another chance, but NOT this year.

Seems like this will work! — Saying It Straight

Dear Saying It Straight: I love this approach. You are correct that people are not mind readers, and being direct with your expectations will help prevent many irritations before they become serious problems.

Dear readers: Annie is off this week. Today’s column originally published in 2022.

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